today...

...I am in a slump.

I am in a funk.

I do not like being in a slump.

I do not like being in a funk.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam I am.

crazy delicious

I found a new love. Dried mangoes.

They feel healthy....but don't look at the nutrition information. Carbs are good for us. Especially 39 grams.

And look! You can even use them for self portraiture:

fresh

See that tomato? When I chopped it, it was still warm from the sun shining on it in my back yard, where it had been growing .

The rest of the stuff is from our CSA. Kohlrabi, cabbage, broccoli, garlic, Swiss chard, squash, zucchini and onion.

I served it topped with cheese and crackers, to my husband and my girl.

My boy couldn't even bring himself to try......so he had the sandwich that he didn't want to eat at lunch, for supper. For breakfast tomorrow? Soup, with cheese and crackers.

one summer in july

Last week I got a call from a girlfriend. Her husband was taking her kids on a two week camping trip, and she was home alone. Home. Alone. All by herself. Without kids. Or her husband.

She wondered if I would be interested in helping her jazzify the homestead while the cats were away. YES I WOULD BE INTERESTED. When my husband came home from work, he watched all of our children (none of whom are on a two week camping trip leaving me home alone all by myself) so I could go over to Girlfriend's house and brain storm.

And were there ever storms-a-braining!

Over the course of the next five days, we tore down wallpaper and repainted one girl's room. Cleaned out a room in the basement and turned it into another girl's bedroom. We downsized accessories. There were rugs purchased and curtains sewn. Pillows. Lamps. Blankets. Throws.

My husband has been a real trooper. He's always great about sharing the childcare load, but the load is especially heavy when the baby is cutting his first teeth. (Two. At a time.) The project is drawing to a close now. There are only three rooms left in need of love, and we've got just over a week to finish. I can't wait to hear how her family reacts to the changes. They don't even know what we've been up to.

Oh, the fun we've had! Initially, I was having visions of my life and career once my kids are all in school. Visions of me, doing my thing. Re-entering the work force. Coming out of hiatus. And then thoughts about starting before they're all in school. We could make that work, right?

Sure!

Yes!

But..
....
.....then I would come home from Girlfriend's house, and I would behold my house. My house looks a whole lot different when I've been gone. The kids are all happy. And fed. And relatively clean.

But, everything we own is on display across the living room floor.

And my husband is a little twitchy.

He says he's fine. He's happy that I'm having a blast, and even happier that I'm bringing in a little money in the process. But this isn't working....wouldn't work....not in the long haul. It's fine for a few days one summer. But it wouldn't be fine every day all the time. Not for us.

Everyone is feeling the interruption in our rhythm. The baby's sleep is seriously messed up. I'm sure his teeth have a lot to do with that, but I know he senses the change. My big kids are squirrellier, and my girl keeps asking me where I'm going. Even when I'm not going anywhere.

So, it's been real. It's been fun. And it's been real fun. But when it's done, it will be done. For a little while longer.

I can wait. I know that when the time is right, it will all be right.

A l r i g h t.

and, lo, there was tiredness

We had a lovely, full, 4th of July weekend.

On Sunday, I took a nap with my wee babe. I fell HARD into a deep sleep. For about 7 minutes. And when I was forced out of that precious slumber, I could barely move.

I put the baby in his walker and slithered to the floor so my body would block his path--keeping him confined to a safe zone. My arms felt like they weighed 500 lbs. What's wrong with me? (And because I'm a special kind of crazy) Could I have cancer? (It's always cancer.) Mono? Acute liver failure?

I tried to will myself to get up off the floor. My body was having nothing of it. My baby rammed his walker into my legs. Over. And over. And over. And again. My husband happened upon us.

He took mercy upon my pathetic plight. All three children were gathered together for a long walk/bike ride. But not before he asked me if I would rather move to the couch. If only it were that simple!

*cough*

He laid a blanket on top of my lifeless legs and filed everyone out the door. What a hero, what a guy!

I lay on the floor contemplating my next move. I closed my eyes. I should really take this opportunity to sleep. But think of the laundry I could get done! And that bible study I will need to have done by Wednesday....now would be the PERFECT time. Oh! OR! I could sew! Ah!! I could water the garden. As my mind raced with possibilities, my limbs became lighter. 'It's a 5th of July Miracle! I can move once again!' I thought to myself.

And I became an object in motion tending to stay in motion.

Until my husband and kids came home. And the tired came right back.

I'm thinking the tiredness could have a whole lot to do with the fact that I haven't had a good night of sleep since August 2001. That, or anemia.

remembering

One day, years ago, my girl and I were talking. It was a sweet moment...I was so keenly aware of time marching on. I was looking into her eyes. She was looking into mine. I focused on burning the moment into my memory.

We sat that way for a long time. I thought about her. Her beauty. Her kindness. I wondered who she would become. What she would be like in a few years. I wondered what she was thinking about. Was she thinking about me? Wondering what I was like as a girl? What was holding her interest for so long?

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Peanut?"

"Know what?"

"What?"

"I can see myself. Your eyes are like mirrors."

.........................................