thirteen

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

twelve

The man who had fallen into an upholstery factory is now said to be fully recovered.

eleven

(because I am a mother of boys...)

There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt".

So, the servant did as the captain said.

After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt"?

The captain said, "Well if I get shot they won't see the blood.

The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."

The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."

getting ready, again

I'm getting ready for the Johnny Appleseed Days show again. 

Last year was really fun.  I got to spend the day with my Mom and sisters. 

(all the husbands watched the kids) 

 

The show was not the best place to sell paintings, but it was good motivation to paint in preparation.  I don't know that it's the best venue for my stuff, but I know it will be fun to spend the day with some of my favorite people. 

 

 

*Etsy shop to be filled in a few weeks*

 

ten

Did you hear about the man who lost his left side?
He's all right now.

nine

The Tate Watch Co., established in the 1880s in Massachusetts, wanted to expand their line of products. They decided on compasses, reasoning that the pioneers traveling west would all need one. Their watches were of excellent quality, not so their compasses. Pioneers often ended up in Canada or Mexico. Hence the expression, "He who has a Tate's is lost."

eight

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

seven

There was a man who entered the local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

six

Two vultures get ready to board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

five

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

four

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

three

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

two

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

one

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

30 something

I didn't wash my hair today. 

(Or yesterday.)

So today it was pretty gnarly.  I wet it down and messed it around.  For about three seconds I toyed with going out among the English with it completely amok.  But it was more Crazy Old Lady than Breezy-Tousled Carefree.  If you know what I mean. 

I half liked it.

Then I remembered her.  The Lipstick Lady .  When I was growing up, there was a thirty-something-year-old mentally ill woman who lived out of her station wagon.  She wore her lipstick all over her mouth.  The kind of woman who would yell things at you if you glanced in her direction?

I smoothed my hair down just a little. 

Sometimes after a long day of mothering I feel a little too close to crazy.  And there is no need to tempt my inner Lipstick. 



 

South Africa Stripes :: for Julia

For Bonnie