I'm trying to remember when my hormones leveled out after the first two babies. I don't think I'm depressed. I don't feel sad. I feel a crazed blur of 250 emotions in the span of 20 minutes.
This past weekend we made a whirlwind tour to visit family. It was SO much fun. SO MUCH FUN! But the coming home bit really threw me for a loop this time. I spent yesterday morning running amok. Starting one project and abruptly jumping to another, until I was juggling all the burners.
I felt blessed to have such wonderful children. Then resentful that there was so much laundry. I felt happy that my husband is such a hard worker, and then angry that his towel was still on the bathroom floor. Glad for my vacuum. Mad that I had to use it. Loving my dishes. Hating that they needed washing.
Happy. Sad. Glad. Mad. High. Low. Up. Down.
And the whole time my mind knows how foolish I'm being. The Lord is whispering truths to my soul. I am not alone. I am blessed. Let's just keep this in perspective. PERSPECTIVE. It's laundry. And vacuuming.
We're healthy. We're fed. We're warm.
The days are long. The years are short. I'm trying my hardest to focus my energy on the things that matter. And looking forward to stepping off the roller coaster. I am not enjoying the ride.