Even now...the last two weeks have flown.
Slow down.
Slow down.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I've got no words
Well, that's not true. I have words. But they are still a bit jumbled and crumbly.
So please, check out this site for a wonderful (TRULY!) fairy tale. It will make your day.
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Sunday, October 19, 2008
He's here!
Whew!
I'll fill in with some details later. He's wonderful. Perfection. We are all completely smitten.
I'll fill in with some details later. He's wonderful. Perfection. We are all completely smitten.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
delirium
Logically, I know that this baby will get born. Eventually. But there is this tiny little part of my brain that has developed a silent and internal form of tourettes.
"You will be pregnant forever!"
"There is a conspiracy against your birthing process at the hospital!"
"They are shipping in all the pregnant women from the surrounding communities for the specific purpose of keeping you pregnant!"
"Some of those women aren't even in labor!"
"You should sneak into the hospital, find that crochet hook and break your own water!"
"Eat an entire bag of potato chips!"
"This baby is going to come out the size of a toddler!"
"Bwuahahahahaaa!!"
I'm trying to silence those thoughts through prayer. And baked goods.
Last night, my husband took the kids for a little drive, and I sat and rocked and read aloud from Psalms. My God is good. Not because He does what I want Him to. Because He doesn't. He is good because He is good. I'm going to place my trust in Him and His plan. His perfect timing. I just need to replace those crazy thoughts with good thoughts. True thoughts.
Everything will be alright.
God can move whales. (Thanks, Auntie Cook!)
"You will be pregnant forever!"
"There is a conspiracy against your birthing process at the hospital!"
"They are shipping in all the pregnant women from the surrounding communities for the specific purpose of keeping you pregnant!"
"Some of those women aren't even in labor!"
"You should sneak into the hospital, find that crochet hook and break your own water!"
"Eat an entire bag of potato chips!"
"This baby is going to come out the size of a toddler!"
"Bwuahahahahaaa!!"
I'm trying to silence those thoughts through prayer. And baked goods.
Last night, my husband took the kids for a little drive, and I sat and rocked and read aloud from Psalms. My God is good. Not because He does what I want Him to. Because He doesn't. He is good because He is good. I'm going to place my trust in Him and His plan. His perfect timing. I just need to replace those crazy thoughts with good thoughts. True thoughts.
Everything will be alright.
God can move whales. (Thanks, Auntie Cook!)
Monday, October 13, 2008
still waiting....
...I keep getting bumped from Labor and Delivery. My hospital is full to overflowing with mama's going in on their own. I'm starting to get a little skittish. And crazy. Patience has never been my strong suit. It stinks having to practice patience now. I just want to hold my baby.
Off for a 10 mile jog....or something.
Off for a 10 mile jog....or something.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
It's good to have friends
Especially friends that make you cookies to keep you occupied while you wait. And wait. And wait some more. And then gouge out your eyeballs. And then eat another cookie.
Today was going to be the day. Maybe. I was scheduled for an induction, and then got a call. The L & D is filling up, and I'm going to have to wait.
My first thoughts were those of ugliness towards all the other ladies hogging up all the spots. Or just the one taking up what was going to be mine. Selfish whale. (Pretty ugly, I know. And hateful. And horrible. I am trying to feel bad about feeling so mad.)
My reaction has been pretty humbling. What's my problem? These women are having babies! Bringing wonderful new beings into this world. I should be glad for them. Not jealous. So what if I have to wait until Christmas for my own baby to find his way out?
The world does not revolve around me. The L & D isn't mine. I can't control everything, even if I try. Why do I keep trying? It only makes life more stressful.
I'm trying to use this as a learning experience. An experience that will help me to place my trust in The One who does have control. The One who knows how this will all play out. The One who loves me and knows what's best and sees the whole big picture.
(Would it be wrong to pray that over half of the mommies there would be sent home because their labor turned out to be false?)
Today was going to be the day. Maybe. I was scheduled for an induction, and then got a call. The L & D is filling up, and I'm going to have to wait.
My first thoughts were those of ugliness towards all the other ladies hogging up all the spots. Or just the one taking up what was going to be mine. Selfish whale. (Pretty ugly, I know. And hateful. And horrible. I am trying to feel bad about feeling so mad.)
My reaction has been pretty humbling. What's my problem? These women are having babies! Bringing wonderful new beings into this world. I should be glad for them. Not jealous. So what if I have to wait until Christmas for my own baby to find his way out?
The world does not revolve around me. The L & D isn't mine. I can't control everything, even if I try. Why do I keep trying? It only makes life more stressful.
I'm trying to use this as a learning experience. An experience that will help me to place my trust in The One who does have control. The One who knows how this will all play out. The One who loves me and knows what's best and sees the whole big picture.
(Would it be wrong to pray that over half of the mommies there would be sent home because their labor turned out to be false?)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
have you met my children?
I don't know if Rosemary Wells has been spying on us, or if this dynamic of older sister/younger brother is typical in every house. Both of my kids love watching this show (in the form of checked-out dvds from the library). And I think they like it, in part, because they can relate so closely to the characters.
The other morning, I was in need of a nap, so I popped in a Max and Ruby in for my boy. We laid on my bed watching the movie, or, he laid and watched and I laid and slept. I was awakened several times to him talking sternly to the television. "Ruby! He doesn't WANT to play that game!" I'm sure he was commiserating with poor bossed around Max. Not that Max is miserable, or that my son is miserable, but....they're definitely both bossed around.
And for some reason, the unseen parents strike a chord for me. I'm certainly not absent, but there are many many days that I feel sort of obsolete. Unnecessary somehow. My girl can hold down the fort pretty well. She's at the age where she handles most of their squabbles. There are times when he will ask her for help instead of me. I love that they have each other. And that I will always be reminded of these days when I see those two little bunnies.
Monday, October 6, 2008
7 pm bedtime
The best gift I've ever given myself is an early bedtime. For my children.
Last year, Kindergarten really kicked us in the pants. The big girl lost her wheels right after dinner time, and the boy, who had begun to phase out napping, began to wane as well. How do you get from diner at 6 to bedtime at 8 when everyone starts freaking out at 6:30?!
You don't.
You move dinner to 5, and bath time to 6:30, and bedtime to 7. One night. And then the house is quiet. And morning is early. Which is nice. And you love it. So you keep doing it over and over and over again.
But what about summer vacation?! Doesn't summer vacation mess everything up? Ah. It could. If you let it. But you don't. Why? Because, your wheels fall off at 7:05 pm, and you need a little peace and quiet so that you don't become a drinker. So you sell your kids the story about how WONDERFUL it is to go to bed when the sun is still up. See? You don't even need a night light! It isn't dark and scary! Woohoo!!! And they eat it up with a spoon. And the house is quiet. And morning is early. Which is nice. And you love it. So you keep on doing it over and over and over again.
Huh?!?!
I tell you. It's a slick deal. At least it seems to be a slick deal. And then you remember that in a few short days (God willing!) a new person will be entering your family. And this new person likely has not received this early-to-bed-memo. And so you try to relax. You've done this all before. It's all good. You can coax this newbie into a routine. It might take 4 years, but it will happen. Soon. Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Soon.
Last year, Kindergarten really kicked us in the pants. The big girl lost her wheels right after dinner time, and the boy, who had begun to phase out napping, began to wane as well. How do you get from diner at 6 to bedtime at 8 when everyone starts freaking out at 6:30?!
You don't.
You move dinner to 5, and bath time to 6:30, and bedtime to 7. One night. And then the house is quiet. And morning is early. Which is nice. And you love it. So you keep doing it over and over and over again.
But what about summer vacation?! Doesn't summer vacation mess everything up? Ah. It could. If you let it. But you don't. Why? Because, your wheels fall off at 7:05 pm, and you need a little peace and quiet so that you don't become a drinker. So you sell your kids the story about how WONDERFUL it is to go to bed when the sun is still up. See? You don't even need a night light! It isn't dark and scary! Woohoo!!! And they eat it up with a spoon. And the house is quiet. And morning is early. Which is nice. And you love it. So you keep on doing it over and over and over again.
Huh?!?!
I tell you. It's a slick deal. At least it seems to be a slick deal. And then you remember that in a few short days (God willing!) a new person will be entering your family. And this new person likely has not received this early-to-bed-memo. And so you try to relax. You've done this all before. It's all good. You can coax this newbie into a routine. It might take 4 years, but it will happen. Soon. Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Soon.
Friday, October 3, 2008
ramblings from an empty mind
So, I was remembering the other day...
...you know, when your baby is born? You spend some time in the hospital. And that baby is outside of you now. And you feel SO SKINNY. (Relatively speaking, naturally.) And, like if you really wanted to, you could totally run around the halls. Without having to hold onto your tummy--the way you had to when you chased your other kids around when afore mentioned baby was still in utero. You could probably even do cartwheels if you were so inclined.
And then, you uploaded your pictures, or had them developed, and you were shocked (SHOCKED!) at what you really looked like. As in, not like the skinny woman you felt like, but like a bloated whale that had been punched in the face. (Especially those pictures taken RIGHT after the birth.)
...am I the only one with that experience?
Which is why, THIS time, I'm bringing my full arsenal of beauty products. (Vanity?) No cameras will be permitted until I've put my face back on. Of course, I will go in with my face already all put together. I'm not sure what it is about labor that makes my face fall off completely. Again, maybe this is an issue only for me. (But then again, I've seen pictures of other women, immediately post delivery, and they look different. I mean, they still look beautiful, in a granola sort of way. But they don't look like their normal put-together-faced-self. You get me?)
So, I've got my make-up at the ready. I wonder if the hospital would allow me to use only candle light in my room? I'm thinking that candle light would really be the most flattering.
Of course (!!!!!) the baby comes first. Always. Always. And my primary concern is with him. And his well being. Can I say that I am so embarrassed that I've written all these paragraphs about something SO TRIVIAL AND SUPERFICIAL? I'm horrible. But am I normal?
...you know, when your baby is born? You spend some time in the hospital. And that baby is outside of you now. And you feel SO SKINNY. (Relatively speaking, naturally.) And, like if you really wanted to, you could totally run around the halls. Without having to hold onto your tummy--the way you had to when you chased your other kids around when afore mentioned baby was still in utero. You could probably even do cartwheels if you were so inclined.
And then, you uploaded your pictures, or had them developed, and you were shocked (SHOCKED!) at what you really looked like. As in, not like the skinny woman you felt like, but like a bloated whale that had been punched in the face. (Especially those pictures taken RIGHT after the birth.)
...am I the only one with that experience?
Which is why, THIS time, I'm bringing my full arsenal of beauty products. (Vanity?) No cameras will be permitted until I've put my face back on. Of course, I will go in with my face already all put together. I'm not sure what it is about labor that makes my face fall off completely. Again, maybe this is an issue only for me. (But then again, I've seen pictures of other women, immediately post delivery, and they look different. I mean, they still look beautiful, in a granola sort of way. But they don't look like their normal put-together-faced-self. You get me?)
So, I've got my make-up at the ready. I wonder if the hospital would allow me to use only candle light in my room? I'm thinking that candle light would really be the most flattering.
Of course (!!!!!) the baby comes first. Always. Always. And my primary concern is with him. And his well being. Can I say that I am so embarrassed that I've written all these paragraphs about something SO TRIVIAL AND SUPERFICIAL? I'm horrible. But am I normal?
Thursday, October 2, 2008
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