Monday, November 3, 2008

and the hormones?!?

I was really feeling like I had my act together last week. The bigs are still on their schedules...life is rolling right along for them. They are in love with their new brother, and I have willing baby holders constantly at the ready. It's great. Life is good.

I was feeling like I had beaten the blues. This third time was really charming. I was on. my. game.

But then....

....then something clicked...and the floodgates opened. And have only been half shut ever since.

This isn't super huge, but I never know when I am about to start blubbering like a baby.

In church, one of the worship leaders was having a moment...she was getting emotional. I had been fine two seconds before, but once I saw her, I started crying. (I'm not certain that I left the service with any eye make-up still attached to my face.)

Just after the song ended, we were asked to take a moment to greet those around us. A friend was sitting in front of us, and when she turned around to shake my hand, she asked how I was doing. I couldn't tell if it was an "I know you just had a baby, and am being thoughtful" or a "You look like a total basket case, what has happened to your eyeliner" kind of inquiry.

And then, the other night, I flipped on PBS and was excited to find Anne of Green Gables. BUT! It was only 10 minutes before the part where Matthew dies. Gah!

"Don't ever change. Don't ever change."

I had just gotten my act back together for the closing credits, but then cried because Anne and Gilbert were walking away, in a field, with his horse, and he had given up the Avonlea school for her....and I was crying because I know what comes next. So I cried that she would break his heart. And then I cried because she would break her own heart. And then I cried because I know it all ends up happy in the end. Or at least at the end of Anne of Avonlea.

Do you see what's going on here? I am all over the place!

How soon until normalcy finds me again?

I'm going to have to steel myself for a while. And purchase some waterproof makeup.

4 comments:

betty r said...

Hard time to get through but so normal. I sure did my share of sobbing after the births of my babies. I felt like I would never get it together..in the end all's good!!

Anonymous said...

just know you are not alone and most everyone goes through some degree with each pregnancy I did. Don't be afraid to cry, and cherish every moment of those early days.

peeking out villa villekulla said...

I caught a minute of Anne. I've never watched it before and thought "I'll have to rent these with Katie this winter." I'll make sure I have a box of kleenex available.

You know where to find me if you start feeling worse.

redeemed diva said...

Oh yay!!! You are back--emotional, candid and a completely brambling graceful picture as usual!
Your eye makeup looks fine...
Matthew dying makes us all blubber on any given day...if only you had turned it on moments before Twenty.Pounds.Of .Brown. Sugar.
You are a beautiful, post-baby Mom. Cry away, my friend. I celebrate who you are--an incredible Mom of three, wife, creative diva, hilarious blogger and woman extraoridinaire!