on gum...and noises...

Maybe it's the pregnancy? Maybe it's because I'm intolerant? Maybe it's because I'm just a snotty person? Who knows? I don't know why, but there is something about the sound that a person makes while chewing gum that makes me want to stab my ears with a pencil.

I'm rather sensitive to noises. Like the sound my younger sister makes when she eats carrots. Or the sound my husband makes while he eats potato chips. Or the sound any one makes while eating corn off of the cob. OR! Radio personalities that have dentures. There are specific qualities to each of those noises that make my skin crawl, and my insides to big for my outsides.

It's something I can't quite describe....and as I type this, I notice that I also hate the way typing sounds, too.

Am I normal? (This is not something I want anyone to try and answer. )

Anyhow....I was thinking today, about the brain surgeon, and how my level of annoyance grew exponentially in direct relation to the decibels of the smack coming from between her teeth.

And then I thought about when I was pregnant with my first child, and how I worked in retail. And how at Christmas, when the customers would be especially brain-surgeonesque in their wants, desires, expectations and gum chewing loudness.

Which prompted me to recall one specific brain surgeon that brought her return to my counter. From a different department. With out tags. Or a receipt. And was in a hurry. And was chewing gum.

And that gum of hers.....it started swearing at me. Not so that any one else could hear. It was just for me. My nerves swelled to 57 times their normal sizes, and tried to come right out of my skin. As she smacked and cackled and huffied and crankied at me, I tried to smile, and be polite, and not raise my hand with two fingers pointing at her, taking aim and gouging out her eye balls.

I didn't harm her. She made her return. I went to my boss and gave him my two weeks notice.

I didn't want to become fodder for a lifetime movie special.

I've yet to poke out any eyes (but for the grace of God.) And I'm still working on my noise intolerance. Maybe one day I'll become hard of hearing? Perhaps it would be best if I purchased ear plugs.