To the lady in the express lane at the grocery store last night

Dear Very Important Lady,

I can see that you are someone to be reckoned with. And even though your casual clothing suggested otherwise, I'm guessing you to be a brain surgeon.

It was clear in the 5 minutes you spent in the express lane, with your 20 items (we all know they don't really mean 10 or less...especially for the most important people....with coupons) that you need to be readily available by phone 24/7. It must be horrible to have to be on your phone while you are shopping. And such a drag to be SO important that you can't even set your phone down while the check out girl rings you through. By the way, it was so rude of her to give you your total, and to try and tell you that you had $.09 off of gas. Couldn't she see you were on the phone?!

After your purchase was complete, none of us minded that you needed to organize your receipt into that special corner of your purse. And I can see that it's difficult to situate your wallet just right in that purse as well. Every thing is harder for me, too, when I'm trying to keep my phone pinched between my shoulder and my ear. It's an awkward dance. We all know that no one relinquishes their place at the cash register until they are completely finished with their transaction. I understand that, as a brain surgeon, you have an end of shopping regimen. A well orchestrated, slow motion process of putting all things in order before you are off on your way.

I do have one piece of advice for you. You know that gum you were chewing? I really think if you tried just a little harder, you could smack it much, much louder. Because we all know the REALLY important brain surgeons that need to be on their phone at all times chew their gum very loudly.

Sincerely,

The girl two people behind you with only one item